My brother disappeared 5 years ago. December 1st 5 years ago is when I saw my brother for the last time. He was HIV positive and he had given up on himself and on life. I was visiting my biological family and that was the last time I talked to him. I feel horrible and I am getting ready to go to my bed right now and I am pleading with God to bring my brother back. I spent the whole day thinking, praying, crying out for God’s strength in shopping mall here in Campinas, São Paulo. It was a very hard and sad day for me. I should have hugged him and told him that I loved him very much. I would've gotten to talk to him longer and I would've gotten to tell him how much God loves him again. I feel so much regret and guilt. I miss him so much. I'm having a hard time dealing with this pain in my heart. I've tried to talk to a couple of my friends, but they don't understand, some have avoided me. I've been putting on a fake smile and trying to act 'normal'. But I cry whenever I'm alone. When does it get easier, or stop hurting so much? I can't accept that he's gone. He was too young. Please can you tell me if he's alright,God? God, please show me or at least give me strength.
God, you have allowed me to speak into so many people’s lives all over the world. But I have lost my own family. My two oldest brothers are gone and I don’t even know if Marildo is alive. My mom is divorcing my father right now as I write this e-mail and I have no idea if my family is eating or struggling for food. I am almost certain they are crying out for your provision because every time I go home I meet my family without food.
God, I need you and I need you now. In this journal I am honest and I know I am lost without you. Many times you know I feel lost, tired, discouraged, unloved but God tonight when I lay down my head please show me your face of your love. Please reassure me that you will never leave, forget, forsake me in this journey I call “Life”.
I love you Jesus and I know if my brother is alive, you are taking care of my brother and please bring him home safely and well. I am trying to maintain hopeful of a better future but the enemy is lying to me. I am going to my bed right now thinking “Where is my brother?” But I also know the enemy is trying to bring me down and my family. But in the same time God is reminding me that no weapon formed against me shall prosper. Amen!!! Thank you Jesus.
