Where is my brother?

My brother disappeared 5 years ago. December 1^st 5 years ago is when I saw my brother for the last time. He was HIV positive and he had given up on himself and on life. I was visiting my biological family and that was the last time I talked to him. I feel horrible and I am getting ready to go to my bed right now and I am pleading with God to bring my brother back. I spent the whole day thinking, praying, crying out for God’s strength in shopping mall here in Campinas, São Paulo. It was a very hard and sad day for me. I should have hugged him and told him that I loved him very much. I would've gotten to talk to him longer and I would've gotten to tell him how much God loves him again. I feel so much regret and guilt. I miss him so much. I'm having a hard time dealing with this pain in my heart. I've tried to talk to a couple of my friends, but they don't understand, some have avoided me. I've been putting on a fake smile and trying to act 'normal'. But I cry whenever I'm alone. When does it get easier, or stop hurting so much? I can't accept that he's gone. He was too young. Please can you tell me if he's alright,God? God, please show me or at least give me strength.

God, you have allowed me to speak into so many people’s lives all over the world. But I have lost my own family. My two oldest brothers are gone and I don’t even know if Marildo is alive. My mom is divorcing my father right now as I write this e-mail and I have no idea if my family is eating or struggling for food. I am almost certain they are crying out for your provision because every time I go home I meet my family without food.

God, I need you and I need you now. In this journal I am honest and I know I am lost without you. Many times you know I feel lost, tired, discouraged, unloved but God tonight when I lay down my head please show me your face of your love. Please reassure me that you will never leave, forget, forsake me in this journey I call “Life”.

I love you Jesus and I know if my brother is alive, you are taking care of my brother and please bring him home safely and well. I am trying to maintain hopeful of a better future but the enemy is lying to me. I am going to my bed right now thinking “Where is my brother?” But I also know the enemy is trying to bring me down and my family. But in the same time God is reminding me that no weapon formed against me shall prosper. Amen!!! Thank you Jesus.

Forgotten Chldren!!! Who Will Help?

Children are the future of every society. Many children in Uganda and Sudan have been deprived, robbed, neglected of a beautiful future in God. There are so many that are living on the streets, bearing the chilling cold or dangers of the streets, feelings the pangs of hunger, and living like unwanted children in their society since some of them have lost their homes, parents and any other thing that would give them a sense of belonging.

For decades now Uganda and Sudan have been one of the most dangerous places in the world for children to live. Children there have not known love but cruelty. Many children bear the scars of war, they have suffered silently the atrocities of war especially in Darfur-Sudan right now. But Jesus Christ has clearly stated in the Bible that he loves the little ones and in his heart there is a special place for children.

I love children and I am so excited that I am going to be spending my Christmas and New’s Eve with so many children in Africa. I am leaving to Uganda and Sudan on the 17th of December and I am believing God for a miracle. I already bought my tickets but I still need close to 800 Dollars for medical evacuation, visa fees, food, ministry fees, housing, etc. I have prayed so much, I have shared my needs with so many but many people all over, I have preached in many churches here in Brazil and they have helped me but most churches in Brazil are not missionary oriented because most of them have the mentality of “We don’t have a lot of money” and “If we help we won’t have enough money on the end of the month to pay or accomplish all the things we as the “Church” wants to do”. So Now I know I am leaving in 20 days to Africa and I felt the need to ask for all of you guys to pray and I know many of you are prayer warriors in the Kingdom of God.

Thank you very for all of you that have partnered with me already in prayer and financially. I am so thankful for your life and I couldn’t do this by myself. I thank God and you my faithful supporters for allowing me the honor of being a part of so many marvelous kingdom advances. The mountains before me are large but God never failed me when I faced past giants that threatened to stop his Kingdom's advance. If I continue SEEKING FIRST His KINGDOM and His RIGHTEOUSNESS God will not fail me now! Please let me know if you want to be a part of this great adventure God has entrusted me with. God bless you and hope to hear from you soon.

Your fellow laborer in the Great Kingdom of our Lord and Savior,

Who is God going to raise to help Africa?

Do I like movies about Africa?

Hotel Rwanda, Blood Diamond, The Constant Gardener, The last king of Scotland etc..they are not just random movies they are movies about the beloved continent of Africa. We are in the 21st century and the world is still worried about Africa seeing that most African countries greeted the 21st century and the new millennium armed with poverty, illiteracy, war, destructive ethnic or religious conflicts and underdevelopment. In the 1950’s and the 1960’s, the world wasn’t very worried about Africa, they were worried about Asia. Yes, Asia, I am talking about the Middle east, the near east and the far east. However, this century is truly the “Asian century”, Asians proved that they can solve their conflicts and problems and started developing their countries (Hong Kong, Thailand, UAE, China etc…). While America was entering the digital age, Europe was recovering from the destructive WW2, Asians started using their resources, Africa was too involved in pointless ethnic conflicts, corruption and other problems which often lead to humanitarian disasters.

Why is Hollywood so interested in making 20th century Africa into movies? Because we have plenty of amazing, unbelievable, touching and shocking stories ( not to mention that they are most definitely Oscar-winning stories!).

Yes, No, May be. I do like watching movies about Africa because Hollywood succeeds in making them very real and believable. However, I hate watching such movies, it makes me helpless, it makes Africa seem helpless. Africa is not a helpless sad continent and I hate being helpless.

Maybe the 20th century wasn’t “Africa’s” century, maybe the 21st century will not be “Africa’s” century but maybe the 22nd century will be theirs. Africa has so much potential. At least, I think so! I believe in her. Honestly, I’m not against watching Hollywood movies about her or any movies about Africa at all but please, stop the afro-pessimism and stop making Africa look helpless.

Moreover, what did they all have in common except hotel Rwanda?

The European trying to save the helpless little sad Africans. Europeans come to Africa expecting change and of course they will be the ones responsible for this change. They will come to Africa and all of a sudden, AIDS disappear, poverty is gone, all people are educated, development is all over the place but wait a minute, this is the real world.

Why is Hotel Rwanda different from the other 3 movies? It is real. It happened. Yes, that one African man, Paul ,saved thousands of lives. Yes, Africans are capable of great things once they get to work.

Europeans did a lot for Africa, Europeans are doing a lot for Africa right now but what can Africans do for Africa? A lot. Who is going to change Africa? its own people, the Africans. Is there any hope for Africa? Yes, its people.

The Hollywood movies are true, I’m not going to lie but its history, history is the past and the future is the present. The continent of Africa should look forward to the future while not forgetting the past, acknowledging it while learning their lesson for it, they can make a brighter future for themselves, their children and the next generations.

I love Africa and I will always believe in the continent of Africa. I believe God will raise Africa to change to the whole world. I believe God will pour his blessings on Africa and he will bring revival to that land. God will be the God of Africa and he will wipe away every tear from every single person in Africa. God, Use me Lord to bring healing, restoration, restitution, joy, salvation into the lives of people in Africa. Sudan and Uganda here I come and I can’t wait to arrive there next month.

Is The Church, Really The Church of Jesus Christ?

You hear a lot of stuff happening on the news and elsewhere nowadays. People are fatter than they were 10 years ago, The gallon of Gasoline is absurd, Israel and Hezbollah are having a free for all with each other, the Iraq conflict is continuing on and on and on with no end in sight, hurricanes threaten Gulf of Mexico oil supplies, sex offenders maraud the landscape and so forth. But what really are the biggest problems we face today?

I really believe the biggest problem we face today is not Hiv/Aids, Prostitution, Child Slavery, Child Trafficking, Immorality, Depression, Poverty, Illiteracy, Corruption, Terrorism, Pornography but I really think the biggest problem we face today is our church. But now I am not talking about the Church of Jesus Christ, but I am talking about the church that men have created in this century. What does the world see of the church, the visible church? What is the extent of your church’s witness, visibility, and influence in the public’s eye? I have heard it said that we (as believers) gather together on Sundays to get equipped/energized so that we can then go out into the world to be a witness for Christ. And I agree with that. But, so often, once we depart from being together with our brothers and sisters within the confines of the four walls of the church building, we become soloists.

Through our actions in a globalised world, we are inescapably connected with and responsible for the fate of countless others, whether we like it or not. I don’t know what you think is the biggest problem we face nowadays, but for me I really believe we as the Church of Jesus Christ need to wake up and be Jesus in this dying and decaying world. We need to stand up for life, freedom, for the oppressed, for the sick, for the poor, prostitutes, drug addicts, etc. We need to stop being just one more problem in the world and we need to start being a solution. We need to make a difference in this world as a Church, We have a Giant inside of us and that Giant is the Holy Spirit(Jesus Christ) and we can do all things through Christ who strengths us. We have the power and the love of Jesus to embrace a homeless, widow, Gangster, sick person and we one more time can change this world. We are world changers, we are history makers, we are blessed by Jesus, We are anointed by Jesus, We are redeemed through Jesus, We are warriors, We are Kingdom Fighters, We are agent of restoration in the name of Jesus.

We gotta stop looking into ourselves and we need to start caring about the millions of people dying and living because of starvation. We need to stop worrying about growing the number of people in our church and we need to start looking at people as an individual who needs Jesus. We need to stop spending millions of dollars in improving the carperts, TV sets, Sound System and we need to start spending more money on taking the Gospel into the whole world. There are millions of people that will die without hope and knowing Jesus as their savior if we keep being content with the way we do "church". Common, Somebody? We need to change our mentality and we need really to become the Church of Jesus Christ. The world is waiting and Jesus is also waiting for us to really surrender and say "Lord, we as the body of Jesus Christ want and will change our family, community, city, nation and world with your love and mercy." Amen!!!

Does My Life Matter to God?

I am always thinking if my life has meaning, worth, value, significance to God and people. Let me tell you something my life was never the same when I saw the preaching of Pastor Louie Giglio. He has a powerful DVD out called "Indescribable" and It has changed my life for the rest of my days and now I am just going to share with you a little bit about what he mentions in the DVD. This is what he says:

“The heavens are telling the glory of God, and their expanse declares the work of His hands. Night after night they remind us of just how small we are, and how huge God is. Looking out into the far reaches of the universe, we find a seemingly infinite expanse of mystery and wonder, intricately fashioned by a God of unfathomable size and power. Just a glimpse of one of the billions of visible galaxies He has formed resizes us, shrinking us, and the world we call home, to seeming insignificance in an instant. But as tiny as we may seem, the God who knows every star by name also knows yours, and mine. And in the most stunning rescue imaginable, God sent His Son to this spinning planet we call home--the Creator reconnecting us to Him with life that never ends. The entire universe displays God's fingerprint and this is just one example...the cross of Jesus was on the mind of God even as he was creating the universe. We are so very very small... Our significance is in our insignificance. God cares for us so much that his same fingerprint can be found within us. When we are developing in our mothers womb...just for the eye to function a million nerve endings start to travel to the eye and another million from the eye to the brain, these nerve ending meet up and have to find their EXACT match in order for the eye to work... the cross is EVERYWHERE...it casts a shadow over the entire universe...constantly reminding us of what Jesus did for the world.” By Louie Giglio

LAMININ

Every living creature has laminin inside of them...the purpose of laminin is that it basically keeps our bodies from falling apart. It holds us together as one united whole. Wanna see what laminin looks like??? I know you do.... check this out!

This is powerful because the shape of Laminin is the cross. God holds our lives on his hands and he loved us so much that he sent his only son to die for us. His son was willing to die so he could keep us close to his heart. God bless you and hope your life was changed for the rest of your lives. You gotta check it out on the internet about Pastor Louie Giglio and also please read about Laminin. Ok? And you will be blessed. www.wikipedia.org, http://images.google.nl/images?hl=nl&q=laminin&gbv=2 Amen!!!

Should I give up?

“Never give up. Never give up. Never give up." I have preached and said this to so many people all over the world. But It is so funny that you have to go through a time when it seems God is far away to really understand it. I have always thought this was an excellent advice for politicians and soldiers facing defeat, for students facing exams and papers, for athletes facing stiff competition, for parents despairing over wayward children, for married couples wondering if they should divorce, for those lost in the despair that follows the death of a loved one. To all these people I said, never give up. never give up. never give up.

But now I am going through that time where it seems the world has forgotten me. It seems prayers doesn’t work or sermons from inspiring preachers. I have taken so many “prayer –walks” in Master’s Commission and I have read so many books about never giving up on your dreams or in the promises of God. But let me tell you something today in my prayer walk I was so real and honest with God. I was telling God this “God, If you don’t come through I don’t know what’s going to happen, Oh, God Why is it so hard to see your arms of embrace, love, care in my life today” Let me tell you something, my heart was so broken before the Lord and one more time God reminded me of his unfailing and unconditional love towards me.

I have so many reasons to give up if I look in the natural world. Everything is against me. I have nothing but Jesus. No power, No status. A nobody to most everybody. But not to myself! I refuse and will always refuse to sit down and sing that old Hee Haw tune. I am not going to take on the role of victim, of woe is me. To the contrary, I have a sense of dignity, of worth. My voice is tiny, but I am going to raise it anyway. My power is small, but I am going to use what I have. Maybe everyone else have given up on me, if they noticed me at all, but I have not given up. Never! Ever!

It really hurts when I get the message from others that I am a nobody, that I don't matter, that I am a loser. That's a terrible burden to bear. But I can bear that as long as I do not say to myself, "They're right. I am a loser. Give up." Yet that's how many people do see myself or are made to see themselves. But I know who I am in God and I am never giving up. I can face the Giants, But I know my God is bigger. I can face lost in my financial life but I know my Lord sustains me for ever and ever.

Man, I never thought raising money to go to Africa would be this hard. Many days I want to give up on raising money but The cool thing is God shows me the face of the hopeless children in Africa and He shows me hugging and embracing them and whispering in their ears do never give up on life. So I will keep going for the people in Africa that need Jesus. Even if Churches don’t help me, or people I thought they would . I am going to fight for those people and I will never give up on them either because they need the Jesus in Me. Amen!!!

I will never give up on being a Disciple!!!

Raising financial support is a difficult hurdle. I have talked to pastors and churches mission committees and it is so funny to me because most of these people didn’t encourage me or they didn’t talk well about missions. It is funny because some denominations chose not to support me because I go to a different denomination than theirs. Some of them chose not to support me because they said their churches are not very involved in missions. But it is so funny to me because if Jesus would be on earth he would be ministering to the sick, oppressed, tired, street-kids, prostitutes, drug or alcohol addicts, widows, orphans but most of these churches were looking more inwardly and about growing a bigger church with better carpets and T´V sets on the Halls of the church.

I am 21 years old and I am sold out to the cause of Jesus Christ. I am ready and willing to love the unloved, care for the forgotten and I am decided to fight for those that can’t fight for themselves. I want to hate and detest the things that God does. That is the reason why I am going next month to Sudan and Uganda. I am so excited and can’t wait for that day to come. I know God is going to use my arms to embrace and comfort the broken hearts, he will use my mouth to speak prophetic words of hope and truth into people lives. I know people’ lives will never be the same after they see the power of the Holy Spirit through my life and I know they will find hope after they hear my testimony. God has healed, transformed and changed me from the inside out and I know God can do and will do that in people´s lives in Uganda and Sudan. It has been a long and hard process to raise money for this trip to Africa. I have learned a lot about where the priorities of the church is nowadays. But I am not going to wait for the church to wake up and be who God created them to be. I am going to do my part and that is be the church. I know what it is to be in pain, depression, dirty and full of sins in my life but I also know the special touch of God in my life. God has changed my life and I am willing to die to save other lives. How many Sidney’s Pereira are still on the streets without love, care and family? I know I am called to make a difference. Amen!!!

I am excited to let all of you know that I have bought my tickets to Africa. I want to thank all of you that have given sacrificially and I am praying for you and your family. I don’t take your gift lightly especially in this delicate moment we are living in economically. So now I just need to raise my spending money, ministry money, visa money, entrance fees in the countries, etc. I need to raise one thousand dollar and I am praying, fasting and sharing with people and churches and believing God for a miracle. Nothing is impossible with God!!! It looks impossible right now and sometimes it causes a lot of fear on me but I know my God is bigger than my trip to Africa or me raising money.

I know some of you guys are just waiting for the right time to partner with what God is doing in my life and I really believe now it is a critical moment because I am leaving to Africa next month on the 17^th. So God bless you and hope to hear from you soon. Please get in contact with me if you have any questions or some exciting ways of helping me. I really need your help right now. Please keep reading my blog and I know you will be blessed. Until next time and hope that will be soon.

How Many "Sidneys" do we have?

I remember my past like it was yesterday. I know my past does not have or need to determine my present or future. But there are so many days that the memories of my past chase me down and it seems like I am living everything all over again. Memories like when I was forced to pour paint thinner on a lady on the streets, days when food seemed like a dream far away or maybe when I had to run from the police that wanted to beat me up. It is so funny how we can forget our past. I have seen so many people that grew up in very humble circumstances and now that they have something they are so snobby and prideful. I don’t want ever to forget where God has rescued me from. I was a hopeless case in the eyes of the government, churches, people and family. But God loved me when I didn’t love myself and he cared about me when I didn’t even care about myself. That is why I love God above everything else.

But we can’t forget that there are still many and many Sidney in the world today that are lost and without hope. There are so many people just shining the benches of churches today instead of going to those people that are crying desperately for help and they are not getting it. Did you know that It is estimated that the numbers of Brazilian street children vary from 200,000 to 8 million. In one recent survey in São Paulo, 609 children were found to be sleeping on the streets. At least 50 were under 12 and unaccompanied by adult relations. The main means of surviving on Brazil's streets are: finding food in rubbish bins or on refuse tips; being financially exploited by street sellers or as shoe shiners; stealing; prostitution; drug running and drug taking. Street children are known to receive beatings from the police or members of the public and also can face imprisonment, malnutrition, disease and AIDS.

We need to be people that make a difference in this world. I am fully convinced that we are called to be the church without walls because maybe we will be the only Jesus or Bible people will see or read. We need to cry for the things that make Jesus cry, we need to hate the things that God hates, we need to hurt with the things that hurt the heart of God and of course we need to love the things that God loves. God loves the poor, widow, prostitutes, outcasts, forgotten, rejected, abandoned, heroin addicted and you!!!

The Voice Within me!!!

My whole life has been always hard. I have always a voice inside of me that I so strong and every day I have to fight against it. I grew up with the feeling of wanting to die, of not wanting to be here on earth. My sense of self was shattered and fractured and broken into pieces growing up - not my true

Self, I never thought about myself as God thinks about me. I never loved myself the way God does love me.

By the time I was 4 or 5 I felt overwhelming shame. I felt like I was inadequate and defective because I was unable to protect my mother from my father. My mother emotionally incested me - made me her surrogate spouse - and I felt at that young age that her feelings were my responsibility. By the time I was seven I would not allow my mother to touch me - because her touch felt “icky” - and would not show her any feelings. I was being cool at seven in a passive-aggressive response my mothers complete lack of emotional boundaries - I would not admit to being happy about anything or hurt or scared or anything. I was completely emotionally isolated by the time I was seven years old. I was also full of despair, my spirit broken, and I tried to commit suicide by trying to jump out of a bridge but God saved me from that stupidity.

The seven year old within me is the most prominent and emotionally vocal of my inner children. There are two distinct sides to my life - the despairing child who just wants to die, and a child full of rage because death/escape was not allowed.

The despairing seven year old is always close by, waiting in the wings, and when life seems too hard, when I am exhausted or lonely or discouraged - when impending doom or financial problems seem to be immanent - then I hear from that an inner voice. Sometimes the first words I hear in the morning is the voice within me saying “I just want to die”.

Now I know that is just a small part of me. When that feeling comes over me now I can say to that seven year old, “I am really sorry you feel that way Sidney Pereira. You had very good reason to feel that way. But that was a long time ago and things are different now. The seven year old who is full of rage is Sidney Pereira he wants to destroy. Awhile ago I heard about a guy who went up in a tower at the University of Texas and just started shooting people. I knew exactly how he felt. For most of my life that rage was focused on destroying my own body because I blamed it for trapping me here. I knew after my attempt that suicide was not an option for me in this lifetime so I worked on killing myself in other ways with alcohol and drugs, food and cigarettes, self-destructive and insane behavior. To this day the seven year old in me has incredible resistance to me treating my body in healthy, Loving ways.

I can Love myself, validate my feelings, and assure myself that everything is different now and everything is going to be all right. When the feelings from my childhood comes over me it feels like my whole being, like my absolute reality - it isn’t, it is just a small part of me reacting out of the wounds from the past. My past doesn’t have to determine my present or future. God is my shield and strong tower.

My life has been and is so different now. When I started dreaming God’s dreams for my life, I decided completely on my own, it was something I felt I should do secretly. Dreaming to be a missionary wasn't cool and it isn’t still, like being good at sports, or being part of the in crowd, or winning fights on the playground. Becoming a missionary wasn't a "normal" thing, and like most people in my age, I desperately wanted to be "normal." Becoming a missionary wasn't discouraged or encouraged, it simply wasn't considered at all.

So Every day when I think I can't make it or will never make it. God is always helping me and telling me I am more than victorious and I will make it. I have a giant inside of you and his name is Jesus and He is just waiting for me to wake him to start doing great and powerful things in and through me. I can do all things through Christ who strengths me!!!